Stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff…

I haven’t written in a while, because…well, I have nothing to say. And I still don’t, but it would be a shame to let this valuable web-space go to waste. Also: I’m drunk. So here is me writing stuff about things:

Do we really have to let EVERYONE vote?

Okay, so back when Jesus came over on the Mayflower and wrote the Constitution, the law was only white, male land-owners could vote. That was bad. We have progressed as a society, and now everybody gets a vote. And I can’t help but wondering if we’ve gone a little too far.

For example, did you know there are people out there who actually, genuinely believe Barack Obama is secretly a terrorist who, if elected, will convert the entire country to Islam? And that there are people who, with a straight face, claim that John McCain will declare war on every other country and cause the collapse of civilization? “The Daily Show” did a great bit a couple of nights ago, sending a corespondent to both a McCain and an Obama rally. Watch the episode here, if it pleases you. If you don’t want to watch it, let me summarize it for you. There are some dumb people, out there. Like…mind numbingly, soul crushing, losing all faith in humanity, dumb. And these people get to vote. And their vote counts just as much as yours and mine. Which means, hypothetically, if I decided to go vote for Obama, my vote will just be canceled out by some some moron that thinks Obama is related to Saddam Hussein because his middle name is Hussein.

Are you fucking serious?

I’m sorry, but I think there should be a pop quiz when you go to vote. If you ACTUALLY think Obama is a terrorist that will force everyone to pray to Allah, or whatever, or you ACTUALLY think McCain is going to force all your gay friends to marry people of the opposite sex and read the Bible every morning, you don’t get to vote. Period. Also, I get to take you out back and wack you with various tough-but-non-permanent-mark-leaving objects.

Singing and dancing becomes cool again. Wait…singing and dancing were never cool! What the hell is going on here?

“High School Musical 3” is currently the #1 grossing movie in the country(see?). And I think that’s neat.

(Note: In order to get the correct interpretation of that last line, please picture me making a sarcastic wanking motion with my hand while saying it. Thanks.)

High School Musical: Where my soul goes to die and subsequently get anally raped by Satan for all eternity. Also: what’s the deal with the blond dude in the upper right corner? I have no idea who he is, but I’ve never wanted to punch someone so badly in my life.

I promised myself this would be a cancer free blog, but…

I have a question: Am I the ONLY person in the world under the age of 85 with cancer? Seriously, every time I go in for a doctors appointment, the God damn waiting room looks like Sunday morning at Perkins. Not that I would EVER wish cancer on anyone, but…I sort of wish some more people my own age would get cancer. You know, just so I have someone to talk to in the waiting room about something other than grandkids, hard candy, how loud music is nowadays, and what joint is aching on them today. Also, they smell bad.

How many old people stereotypes did I work into that last paragraph? I was aiming for five. Did I get five? I count five.

I should be in bed and I have to pee, so I think that is the end of this blog. Oh…I think I just thought of a clever ending catchphrase…