The impossible dream…

Don’t you absolutely hate it when someone comes up to you and wants to tell you about the dream they had last night? The dreamer always thinks their dream is so God-damn interesting, but it’s really just a bunch of vague nonsensical images that have no relevance to the listener, and it’s a giant waste of everyone’s time. Don’t you absolutely, positively, hate when people do that?

Too fucking bad.

So last night, I had this dream. I was at the Water Park of America, which is “…America’s Biggest Indoor Water Park Hotel!” (according to them). I was there by myself, for some reason. I mean, not like I was the only person in the park, but I wasn’t there with any friends. I was alone. Which is strange since I can’t imagine just going to a water park by myself. But anyway, I am going down the inter tube slides, because I hate the body slides…the water splashes so far into your face you feel like you are drowning by the end of it…but every time I get to the end of the slide, I lose my tube. For those of you who have been there, you know this is a big problem…rubber tube’s are a precious commodity at Water Park of America (America’s Biggest Indoor Water Park Hotel!).

But somehow, even though I keep losing my tube, a new one magically appears from under the water just as I am about to get to the edge of the pool. So I am having a great time, tubing down the slides by myself, when suddenly it is time for Water Park of America (America’s Biggest Indoor Water Park Hotel!) to close for the night.  Bummer.  So I float in my tube that I haven’t lost this time towards the exit, when I see the owner of Water Park of America (America’s Biggest Indoor Water Park Hotel!) standing there.  The owner is a very ancient and wise looking Chinese man, like you always see in the kung fu movies who advise the hero.  Sort of like Mr. Miyagi, but more grizzled.  Also, this very ancient and wise looking Chinese guy is super tall, or maybe just floating.  And he says to me in that very ancient and wise way, “Tim, would you and all your friends like to stay the night in my hotel, and play in my water park, for FREE!”

Well as it just so happens to turn out, I would like this.  Very much.  So I say, “Yes, Ancient-And-Wise-Super-Tall-Or-Maybe-Just-Floating-Chinese-Guy.  I would like that very much.”  So the owner tells me I need to call Nikki W., who for some reason is staying at another hotel with all my friends, and get her and the whole gang over here.

(It’s important to note at this point that I’ve actually met the REAL owner of Water Park of America (America’s Biggest Indoor Water Park Hotel!), and he is neither Chinese nor very tall.)

Yep, that’s him.  From my dream, I mean.  Not the real owner.

So now I need to call my friends, but I have to put my clothes on first, for some reason.  And you know how when you put on clothes, and you are all wet, and it takes forever because the cling to you?  It feels like I am putting my clothes on in slow motion, and I am panicking because I need to call Nikki W. before the place closes.  So I get my clothes on, and I get my cellphone, but it’s not my cellphone.  First of all, it’s fucking gigantic.  Like, bigger than any cellphone has ever been in the history of the universe.  It looks like an over-sized prop from a Benny Hill sketch.  Also, for some reason, I have to plug it into an electrical outlet for it to work.  And if you’ve ever tried to find an electrical outlet in an indoor water park, you know they are sort of hard to come by.

So instead I take my giant ass cellphone to the restaurant, and use one of their plug ins, and I get a hold of Nikki W.  But Nikki tells me I am supposed to be at the theater, because apparently I am starring in “Man of La Mancha” and it has already started without me.  So I race over to the theater, which by a happy coincidence is right by the Water Park of America (America’s Biggest Indoor Water Park Hotel!), and I get inside the theater, except is sort of looks like my old apartment, but the show is going on and I get there right in time to sing “The Impossible Dream,” which I think is weird since I might be the most God-awful singer in existence, and I maybe know 30% of the lyrics to that song.

BUT!  I am awesome.  I sing a perfect rendition, and I am expecting all my friends to be in the audience, but they are not.  However, the cast of the TV show “Friends” are there, and they think I am fantastic!  Well, except for Lisa Kudrow, who thinks I was a little “pitchy.”  I don’t know what pitchy means, and when I ask her to explain it, she tells me not to be such a smart-ass, but suddenly she is still Lisa Kudrow but she’s also sort of my dad.  And my dad is telling me that I should have picked a song that is in my “range” and I still don’t know what that means and I am trying to tell my dad that it is a musical not a karaoke bar, I don’t get to pick what I sing, and THEN my old college director shows up and apparently she was directing this show and she tells me that, yes, I could have picked to sing whatever I wanted, and I’m all like, “What the fuck?” and then I wake up.

Awesome, huh?

And now, some interpretation, courtesy of Dreammoods.com.

ALONE-

To dream that you are alone, indicates feelings of rejection. You may be feeling that no one understand you.

Oh, Dreammoods.com.  You know me all too well.  It’s true.  I’m so misunderstood.

WATER SLIDES-

To dream that you are on or see a waterslide, suggests that you� are being swept away by your emotions. You are slowly exploring the realm of your unconscious. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are going with the flow of things without any objections or resistance.

Wow.  Super analysis, there.  So, I’m either being swept away and am out of control, or I am relaxed and going with the flow.  Yep, it’s definately one of those.

OLD-

To see something old in your dream, suggests that there is something in your life that you need to replace or get rid of.

So long, showering regularly!  You’re out of here.

WET-

To dream that you are wet, suggests that you are drenched or overcome with your emotions. It also signifies a spiritual cleansing, rebirth or renewal.

Could also signify that I have just been dreaming about water slides for the past 15 minutes.  Maybe?  Possibly?  Just a guess.

SING-

To sing in your dream, represents happiness, harmony and joy in some situation or relationship. You are uplifting others with your positive attitude and cheerful disposition. Singing is a way to celebrate, communicate and express your feelings.

Blah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…ha…ha…ha ha…ha…ha…ha…ha…ha………ha…….ha……<gasps for air>….AH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha….

DAD-

To see your father in your dream, symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant. Consider also your waking relationship with your father.

…ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa HA ha ha ha ha ha….ha….ha….ohhh….oh boy….ha…ha.  My favorite part was when I was “uplifting others” with my “positive attitude” and “cheery disposition”.  Good one.  Now what’s the about my dad?