You lie…

12 09 2009

A friend of mine posted this video on her Facebook recently.  It’s of President Obama’s recent speech regarding his health care plan, with Joe Wilson interrupting him with “You lie” at one point.  It’s a pretty awesome video for those of you who, like me, are really hoping our government moves closer to the British form, where they just scream over the top of each other for six hours, and somehow make a law.  It’s pretty awesome, and a damn sight more interesting than CSPAN.

But that’s not what I’m here to write about.  What I’m here to write about is something that has been brewing in my brain area for a while now and seeing this video has brought out.  The health care debate is a big deal in this country right now.  My friend’s post of this video prompted FORTY REPLIES at last count.  Forty fucking replies.  I only got half way through reading them, and during that time I masturbated three times.  Not because people debating the intricate nuances of our capitalistic insurance system on a social networking site that also contains quizzes entitled “Which ‘Sex and the City’ character are you?” gets me turned on, but because I was so bored and confused by the halfway point that fwapping myself to orgasm was the only way to make myself feel better.

Here’s what I don’t understand folks: How can ANYONE except possibly the nerdiest Harvard economics professor have strong opinions about this health care debate?  IT’S TOO FUCKING CONFUSING!  Yet people debate it like it’s something fundamentally obvious like not molesting children or gay marriage.  Quick message to you folks: It’s not.  Behold:

STANDARD LIBERAL/DEMOCRAT POSITION ON HEALTH CARE DEBATE:

People shouldn’t die just because that can’t afford health insurance, nor should they go bankrupt or be financially ruined because of an unexpected medical expense.

I 100% agree.  I also think children shouldn’t die of cancer, husbands shouldn’t abuse their wives, and that hooker should have told me she had gonorrhea before she charged me a bill for that BJ.  But, those things do happen.  We live in a world of realities, and saying people shouldn’t die because they can’t afford medical expenses doesn’t help solve the problem of HOW WE DISTRIBUTE MEDICAL TREATMENT.

STANDARD CONSERVATIVE/REPUBLICAN POSITION ON HEALTH CARE DEBATE:

The government shouldn’t be put in charge of something as important as health care…they’re idiots and can’t do anything right.  We should let the free market decide where medical treatment goes.

Yeah, it does seem insane to put the government in charge of something as important as health care.  I mean, it’s one thing to have the government completely in control of trivial thinks like protecting our borders, enforcing the laws of the land, and establishing the rights and liberties we all live by.  But now you want them to get involved in setting my dislocated shoulder?  Fuck you government, and you’re trying to make society a better, more cooperative place to live ways. /sarcasm  Look fellas, the government is already three feet up your asshole, and have their pointer finger buried in just about every part of the plum pie that is our lives already…there is no logical reason why health care is just “automatically” supposed to be an exception.  Moaning about how government is the cause, not solution, to our problems doesn’t help solve the problem of HOW WE DISTRIBUTE MEDICAL TREATMENT.

You know what I think?  I think most of you getting your assholes clenched about this issue probably don’t know the first damn thing about this country’s health care system, Obama’s plan, or how any of this shit will affect anything.  Do you know what I base that on?  The fact that I am a reasonably well educated, intelligent, and attentive adult, and I don’t know THE FIRST DAMN THING ABOUT HOW ANY OF THIS SHIT WILL AFFECT ANYTHING!  And yes, I acknowledge that many people know more than me.  But many people know far less…yet it seems everyone but me is SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS ABOUT HOW THIS IS SO OBVIOUS AND IT SHOULD BE THE WAY THEY SAY.  And it pisses me off.  Because you people that have no idea what you are talking about…and you people know damn well who you are…are only spazzing because you are liberal/conservative and this is how a liberal/conservative should feel about this issue and your way is clearly the right way.  And I know many of you are reading this, shaking your head, clucking your tongue at me, and saying, “Oh, no Tim.  I got this whole super-complicated, infinite variabled, distribution of limited medical resources equation completely figured out, and I know for a fact everyone who disagrees with me is completely in the wrong.”

And to that I say, in the immortal words of Joe Wilson, “You lie.”





Wii (Un)Fit…

16 08 2009

A couple of months ago, I decided to actively start trying to gain weight.  There were both aesthetic and practical reasons for this.  On the aesthetic side, being a bone thin male is somewhat equivalent, I think, to being a heavyset woman.  Men are expected to have a certain amount of “girth”…whether it be in the form of muscle or fat, and being able to fit yourself through a coat hanger isn’t a huge turn-on for women.  And for practical purposes, anytime I have to undergo any sort of treatment, I usually end up dropping a half dozen or more pounds, so I figure it would behoove me to bulk up while I’m feeling relatively healthy.

Now, mind you, I had no delusions about what I was doing.  I will never, ever, ever be that dude bursting out of his t-shirt with muscles, glistening in the summer sun like some sort of…uh…I can’t really think of a way to finish this sentence that wouldn’t sound 100% gay.  You know what I mean.  But if I could just get to a point where my hoodies didn’t hang off me like a lawn tarp…even if the extra weight were FAT, I’d be good with it.

Enter: Wii Fit, on loan from my generous sister and brother-in-law, who found it difficult to keep up with a regular fitness program with two drooling, peeing, screaming, eating, and more peeing toddler boys underfoot.  (Incidentally, its for this very reason I don’t give the girls I sleep with my real name.  That’s right ladies…if you ever slept with a pale, gawky guy named Lance Von Dudemeister the Third…I TRICKED YOU!) Wii Fit, for those of you unaware, is a peripheral for the gaming system that essentially acts as a glorified work-out video, albeit a ridiculously sophisticated one that not only measures your ability to perform the different exercises, but tracks your progress as far as weight gained/lost and how often you show up to work out.

I set the Wii Fit up in my basement, took my first body test, and the creepy animated Wii Board gave me the bad news: My “Wii Fit Age” (calcualated based on a combination of your weight and ability at certain tests) was 45…a full 15 years older than my actual age.  This was to be expected…I’m out of shape, that’s the whole point of this, right?  I set as my goal to gain 10 lbs two months from that day, selected the female trainer (who I thought would be less intimdating than the extremely masculine, though obviously gay, male trainer), and set to work.

The first excercise I did: Deep Breathing, under the yoga excercises.  The excercise literally asks you to stand there and breath.  That’s it.  I got a 94, and a rank of “Yoga Master.”  Sweet!  I’m an expert at this already!

My creepy, pale, dead-eyed virtual trainer.  Yeah, I'd probably still bone her...

My creepy, pale, dead-eyed virtual trainer. Yeah, I'd probably still bone her...

One week later, alternating strength training days and conditioning days, with daily yoga, and I take my second body test.   I am 4 lbs heavier, and my Wii Fit age is down to…26?!?!  Holy shit, I cut almost two decades off myself in a week!  Delusions of working myself into Hugh Jackman type shape within the month start flashing through my mind.  I am motivated!

And then things start going wrong.

I miss one of my daily workouts.  Creepy Wii Board cartoon greets me with an extremely passive aggressive, “What, too busy to work out yesterday, Timmy?” at the start of the next days workout.  Well, excuse me, Cartoon Wii Board, but fuck you!  Maybe I was!  Maybe my mom died yesterday, and I had to bury her fucking remains.  Or maybe I decided to sit on the couch eating Cool Ranch Doritos and watching “Battlestar Galactica” all day.  What the fuck is it to you?

The Wii Board also has a disgusting habit of trying to make me feel guilty about my other family members.  My mom, my sister, and Nikki W. made accounts on my Wii, just to try it out, but never use them.  Now I am constantly peppered by Wii Balance Board about their whereabouts…questions about whether or not they “look healthy” to me.  What is this, fucking communist Russia?  Am I a spy for the Wii Fit Gestapo?  Go bother them about why they aren’t working out, I just want to do some freakin’ boxing!

No, I don't know where my sister is, or why she never calls anymore.  Jesus, was this thing programed by my mom?

No, I don't know where my sister is, or why she never calls anymore. Jesus, was this thing programed by my mom?

The other problem: After my freak first week weight gain, my results start to be not so impressive, including LOSING weight several weeks.  I decide to cut out the conditioning (I am a fan of long walks during the summer, and figure between that and performing I am getting enough conditioning) and just concentrate on strength training.  Planks everyday.  Push-ups and side plank…10 of them kill my soul, but I can finish.  Lunges.  Jackknives.  I even just start walking to random people on the street and picking them up off the ground, just for fun.  I get a few angry looks, but no restraining orders.  I also start eating like a death row inmate.  Hamburgers, donuts, ice cream…I eat when I’m hungry, I eat when I’m full, I eat when I’m bored…I eat until I think I can’t eat anymore.

I’m still not gaining weight.

It feels like I’m the only human on the face of the planet trying to gain weight…and failing at it.

Wii Fit's extremely accurate and scientific charting of my freakish inability to upgrade my girly-man arms.  At least I'm...consistent?

Wii Fit's extremely accurate and scientific charting of my freakish inability to upgrade my girly-man arms. At least I'm...consistent?

In three days my deadline for the goal I set for myself arrives.  I am 7 lbs short.  Unless I manage to get myself pregnant in the next 48 hours, it looks like I’m not going to make it.  If I don’t make it, it might shatter my fragile self ego, sending me into a shame spiral, and causing me to revert back to my old ways of non-exercise and non-lifting random strangers off the ground.  I’ll become depressed.  I’ll start drinking…erm…more.  My low self-esteem will lead me to start selling my body on the streets, not so much for the money, but just so I can feel like someone, anyone, loves me in some way, even peripherally…even if it’s the kind of love that ends with me limping the next day, a ten dollar bill adhered with nothing but perspiration to my ass.  Eventually, I’ll die…old, alone, drug-addicted…and ever so slightly underweight.

I never had these kind of problems with Mario Kart.

For the time being, I will just continue enduring the manipulative insults of Wii Fit Board, the creepy, dead-eyed encouragement of my animated trainer, and the soul crushing disappointment of my weekly body tests.  Remember to keep breathing as you exercise, or you may raise your blood pressure.  Count with me now…one…two…one…two…





Fringe Festival Wrap-Up…

12 08 2009

I had a big ol’ long post planned where I would recap all the shows I saw in the Fringe Festival this year, and do some commentary on how my show, “Danny Is Going To Die” went.  But I’m feeling particularly unmotivated as of late, and don’t really feel like writing all that.  So I’ll just summarize by saying: Saw a bunch of shows…more than I had in previous years, but still fewer than I wanted to…some of them were amazing, some of them were crazy, and some of them put Nikki W. to sleep.  Our show went, I think, very well…some people though it was amazing, some people thought it was crazy…I don’t think anyone fell asleep.  For fun, let’s look at some of the citizen reviews we got on our website:

First, some not so good reviews–

Amateurish.
by re gurgitate Follow this reviewer
Rating 2 kitties
Some of the audience laughed, I didn’t. I didn’t believe the situation, the actors, or the sub-sitcom dialog. Better luck next time.

Ouch.  Definitely our worst review.  I won’t bother weakly protesting that criticism from a guy who calls himself “re gurgitate” on a website is difficult to take too seriously, or the fact that if Mr. Gurgitate were to be honest, he would have wrote, “Most of the audience laughed A LOT, but I didn’t.”  Whatever.  I still have to say of all the people who reviewed our play, this is the opinion I’m most interested in, as I always think criticism, no matter how hard to hear, is more constructive and interesting than praise.  However, with the name “re gurgitate” I’m guessing he (she?) wants to stay anonymous.  Too bad.

A bit stereotypical…
by Richard Sacagawa Follow this reviewer
Rating 3 kitties
This show was okay…the best part was the acting, but the show wasn’t written very well. The characters were a bit stereotypical and the humor was 7th grade-ish; cheap genitalia and curse word jokes. However, it was fast paced and full of great performances!

Another not so great review, although people in the cast tried to helpfully point out to me that it isn’t a bad review at all, just a so-so one.  This forced me to point out the fact that, yes, it is an okay review…UNLESS YOU’RE THE WRITER!  Then it’s not so good.

I already used this joke in a Facebook status update, but for those of you who read my blog but do not use Facebook, I will repeat it here because I think it’s a pretty good one:  Anyone else notice that the name Richard Sacagawa can be shortened to “Dick Sac.”  The fact that someone named Dick Sac is criticizing my script for cheap genitalia humor is, so far anyway, the only evidence of the existence of God I have encountered in my life.

How about some good reviews?

My must see…
by Michael Sheeks Follow this reviewer
Rating 5 kitties
I thought this was an exceptionally well written comedy, particularly for this ensemble. I also enjoyed the fact that it didn’t try to be more than it could be within the context of the fringe, but there were a few moments that suggested this playwright could shift gears and turn it into a longer piece that had a less episodic structure and more levels. Nice work. I will definitely be watching for work by these folks after the fringe.

Sweet!  Thank you, Michael Sheeks, whoever you are.  I particularly like that he enjoyed “…that it didn’t try to be more than it could be within the context of the fringe…”  This is a very important point that is possibly missed by Mr’s Gurgitate and Sac, who maybe expect all their Fringe shows to be deep, moving pieces about the difficulties of being a lesbian or the angst caused by the meaningless of existence.  It’s a fun, cartoony show with some cheap laughs.  And that’s okay.

Finally, the best review we got:

Danny Is Going to Die
by David Bratt Follow this reviewer
Rating 4 kitties
Very funny writing; some very strong comic acting (especially Tim Gage, Kim Hostrawser, and Andy Waldron); appropriately breakneck pacing.

David Bratt, for those who don’t know, was the chair of the theater department at Winona State University, so it’s safe to bet he knows a thing or two about theater…probably a thing or two more than re gurgiatate or Dick Sac.  He was also notoriously difficult to please, as anyone who was ever involved in one the productions he directed at WSU knows, so if he says there was some funny writing and strong comic acting, I’m inclined to believe him.  Thank you, DB!

Final analysis: It was a bunch of hard work, really fun, Nikki W. and I didn’t murder each other, though it was touch and go some days…and I can’t wait to do it again.

I’ve added the script for “Danny Is Going To Die” to the Non-blog related writing section of this page.  Give it a read, either if you didn’t get a chance to see the show, or did see the show and are one of those nerds like me who like to see how things develop from written script to actual performance.

(Note: The script I have posted is the FINAL PERFORMANCE VERSION, not the original script I wrote.  Due to time constraints, we were forced to make substatial cuts…this is the script as it was performed.)





2009 Minnesota Fringe Festival Preview…

30 07 2009

One of the most important days of the theater calendar is now upon us.  The Minnesota Fringe Festival opens today, which means a week and a half of glorious theater binging, and glorious stumbling around the streets of Minneapolis in a drunken stupor.

I’ll be using my blog over the next week to put down some thoughts about the shows I see, and also keep up some thoughts on the progress of my show, “Danny Is Going To Die.”  For now, let me just give you a quick peak at the shows I plan on seeing, and if you want to be as cool as I am, you should plan on seeing as well.

“Danny Is Going To Die”— The Playwrights’ Center

Okay.  So I’m starting off with an easy plug for my own show.  Sue me.  All ego-driven, self-interest aside, a whole shit load of very talented people have put a ton of hours into this show.  With eight cast members and a full time costume, prop, and stage manager, I’m going to go out on a limb and say this might be one of the most ambitious shows of the Fringe.  Chances are, you know someone involved in this show.  Please support their work!

Martha Wigmore, Tim Gage, and April Gage perform in "Danny"

Martha Wigmore, Tim Gage, and April Gage perform in "Danny"

“Slow Jobs: Servicing America for $12 an hour”U of M Rarig Center Arena

The creators of this show, Curt Lund and Laura Bidgood, are basically legends of the Fringe Festival.  They’ve brought their unique brand of humorous story telling to the stage for several years and have developed quite a following.  Plus, I need to see this show because I would love to find out where, for only $12 an hour, I can get a–wait, hold…the name of the show is SLOW Jobs…Slow Jobs.  Not– Okay, never mind.  Well, see it anyway.

“Boobs”— Gremlin Theatre

Creators Molly Dimba and Kari Kelly put on a show of improv and sketches centering around everyone’s favorite body part.  I will be seeing this, of course, to support my former high school classmate Molly Dimba, because I believe it is important for artists to support other artists in the community to strength the web of…BLAH HA HA…nah, I’m joking, obviously, I’ll be seeing this because I’m a dude and it’s a play about BOOBS!  Boobs!  Holy crap, I hope they talk about motorboating!

“Best Little Crackhouse in Philly” (Or…Crackwhore: The Musical!)– Southern Theater

Finally!  A musical about crackwhores!  Plus it features the talents of one Madison Olimb, who is a singing/dancing/acting triple threat supreme!  Little known fact, though: Crackwhores actually prefer to be addressed by the more politically correct term, “Emotional Enhancement Substance Physical Pleasure Artists.”  At least, that’s what your mom told me last night.

“A Dream Play”— Southern Theater

“A Dream Play” is the product of Amanda Sterling, who has done some amazing work at the Fringe over the years.  I’ll be seeing this show because I know it will be well acted, well directed, and of very high quality.  I won’t be seeing it just because I’m harboring a borderline-creepy acting crush on Stephanie Kulbeik.  Because I’m not.  Not in the least.  Oh, Stephanie Kulbeik, why won’t you run away with me?





Bestest story, ever…

18 07 2009

wienermobilex-largeFrom USA Today:

MOUNT PLEASANT, Wisconsin (AP) — An iconic Oscar Mayer Wienermobile crashed into a southern Wisconsin home as the driver tried to turn around the giant hot dog on wheels.

The hot dog company’s promotional Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee.

The 22-year-old driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse, Mount Pleasant Police Chief Tim Zarzecki said. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

Responding officers were not initially told what kind of vehicle was involved.

“It was a little bit of a surprise when they arrived,” Zarzecki said.

“So they were, I’m sure, somewhat humored by the incident but their first response was wanting to make sure everyone was OK,” he added.
There is literally not one single aspect of this story that isn’t 100% awesome, but if I had to pick a favorite part, I think it’s the fact that the officers weren’t told what type of vehicle had crashed.  I mean, if I was the dispatcher, I’m pretty sure that is the first thing I would mention.

Oscar Meyer and Home Depot to use this picture to start a joint ad campaign?





This will end well…

13 07 2009

cunningplan

The governor of Arizona today signed a bill that would allow Arizonian’s (?) to carry a concealed handgun into a bar.  According to the USA Today:

Opponents have said mixing guns and alcohol produces a dangerous combination that could cause violence. Supporters said people should be able to protect themselves at businesses that serve alcohol. Supporters also said it was risky to leave guns in parked vehicles.

Pretty solid fucking logic in my book.  Let the drinkin’ and shootin’ commence!





On second thought…fuck “National Blog Posting Month”…

8 07 2009

Okay, so a few posts ago I mentioned “National Blog Posting Month” and how during it I was going to post everyday.  That lasted…hold on let me count…yep, three days.  So you know what?  I’m saying a big fuck you to NBPM, which frankly in recent years has become way too commercial anyway.  I mean, it used to be about the fucking blogging, man, you know what I’m saying?  Just a bunch of us…dirty, sweaty, pale…banging away at our laptops…at nights our frail-from-lack-of-real-exercise bodies entwining in hot, passionate, very quick, nerd sex.  But now, there’s like NBPM t-shirts, and I’m supposed to take my kid to see the NBPM Fairy at the mall, who’s clearly just some unemployed sex fiend the other 11 months of the year, and…blah, I’m just over it.

So, for serious, here’s the problem right now, folks: This blog is a place for me to rant about opinions and other things I’m passionate about, and right now I’m kind of at a “low ebb” on the creativity front, and I’m only passionate about exactly three things:

1) It’s hot out, and I’m sick of having to scoop my balls out from between my legs like a melted ice cream cone.

2) “Lost” is fucking amazing, and if I were ever alone on a deserted island with Evangeline Lilly, the friction from how hard I was banging her would be enough to create a smoke signal that could be seen from the North Pole, and finally,

3) If it wasn’t for the fact that I have to pee, I would never, ever get out of bed in the morning.  Stupid kidney’s and their whole breaking down proteins into waste, bs.

So I’m not going to be posting everyday this month.  Maybe I won’t post at all.  Or maybe I’ll post some.  Who knows?  It’s like a cliffhanger, without the suspense or intrigue or general interest.

If you are someone who really can’t get enough of my writing, I would encourage you to, first, seek therapy, and second, come see the play I wrote being performed in the Fringe Festival this year.  It’s exactly like one of my blogs, only instead of words it’s people talking, and instead of constantly referencing my genitals, I constantly reference Mike Tischers genitals.  Hurray for a cheap Fringe show plug!





Why it’s important…

5 07 2009

As far as political issues are concerned, I am of the belief that the fight for gay marriage is, if not the most important battle going on in the country, certainly in the top two or three.  This contradiction may surprise people who know that I am 1) Straight and that I 2) Feel that marriage is, at best, a somewhat silly abstraction based on a promise no sane person can honestly make and, at worst, a relationship destroying arrangement.  So, why so serious about gay marriage, Tim?  I have a variety of reasons, ranging from the noble to the completely selfish.  But let’s just focus on one of the most important reasons today.

This is a video shot recently during Gay Pride in Minneapolis by a friend of a friend (I am assuming I have permission to use it, since it was posted on YouTube).  A man was approached by a group of mostly youngish looking residents, asked if he was gay, and when he responded yes, the following occurred:

Now to be fair here, this could be looked at as relatively tame.  Nobody got hurt, thankfully.  But I don’t know about anyone else, but can you imagine the fear of having this many people following you for two full minutes, screaming at you about how the hate you and your lifestyle.  Frankly, I’m amazed that this gentleman was walking so calmly.  You better believe my skinny white ass would have been going full Forrest Gump out of there.

I think the very telling aspect of this video, though, is the age of the harrassers.  They all look to be under 16, and some of them look like they are in the 11 to 12 range.  Now there are a couple of different ways to interpret that.  One school of thought says, “Ah, kids will be kids, and they will grow out of it.”  Maybe.  However, another way of looking at this is that these kids are being taught (and yes, have no doubt about it, it something that is taught) to hate gays very, very early.  How is this happening?

Here is a clip from Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly show aired during the last presidential election:

(On a quick unrelated side note: Anyone else notice how Bill O’Reilly interviews this woman?  Respectfully, never interrupting her, making sure he chooses his words carefully when paraphrasing her beliefs?  And you just know if this was someone arguing for gay marriage he’d be screaming his head off and not letting them get two words in?  Yeah, fuck you “Fox News” and your Fair and Balanced bullshit…)

If you don’t want to sit and watch the whole thing (I don’t blame you), here are the cliff notes: O’Reilly is interviewing a woman who represents a “Marriage Group” first lobbying to have marriage defined as solely between a man and a woman.  The basic summary of her argument: Well, golly gee, Bill, you know I love the gays just as much as the next person, and that’s why we have laws about civil unions and such and such, and shouldn’t the gays just be happy with that and leave the whole marriage thing to us breeders?  If you have gays marrying each other and being all married and openly happy and whatnot, then I gotta go home and explain to my kids about gay people.!

Exactly.  And that’s why this issue is so important.  By keeping homosexual relationships relegated to “civil unions” or other pseudo-marriage offshoots, we make a statement as a society, whether we intend to or not.  And that statement is: Homosexual relationships aren’t the same as heterosexual relationships.  They are [weird/evil/different/not as important/unhealthy].  And the fact of that matter is, they’re not different.  Make friends with a gay couple, and watch them go through the same cycle of puppy love, happiness, bullshit fighting, annoyance, lust, complacency, and trust issues as any other couple, and then tell me what the difference is.  And as long as we keep marriage as some sort of “sacred” unattainable club that gays aren’t allowed to be a part of, we send a message as a society to all our children that there is something wrong with being gay.  And then, well…see above video.

Now, since I am completely unable to write anything sincere and meaningful without immediately following it up with some lame attempt at humor (a fact which the cast and crew currently working on the Fringe show are well aware), here is a video clip from an old after school special about steroids starring a young Ben Affleck, set to Benny Hill music.  Enjoy.  (Note: This video was stolen from Film Drunk, who probably stole it from someone else.  So, credit where credit is almost due.)





Fuck yeah…

4 07 2009

It’s the Fourth of July…the big “Independence Day” in the States.  I’m not going to write a blog about the variety of complex reasons why I am extremely blah about this holiday (though, I probably need to confess here, I am a huge fan of the movie “Independence Day”).  Let is just suffice to say that, no, I don’t hate America, but getting super passionate about a bunch of invisible lines on a map because people say you are supposed to borders on the same mindless herd mentality that also makes me dislike organized religion.

But whatever.  The point is, right now I kind of wish I was one of those super hardcore, ultra-patrotic individuals, because I’d really, really, really like to enjoy the following song with no irony:

All I have to add to this is: Hamburgers…fuck yeah!





Bringing it in under the deadline…

3 07 2009

My attempt to do a blog every day this month is off to a rocky start.  Family, alcohol, and rockband conspired to take away all blog writing time today.  But a post is a post, so I guess I will just take this opportunity to tell you the GREATEST SECRET YOU’VE NEVER HEARD!!!!

Okay, here it is…ready?

It’s…

Oops, I’m out of time, I have to post now.  Sorry.