Some tasty Spam…

21 11 2009

One of the features of having a nifty WordPress site is a spam catcher.  Most spam isn’t very interesting to read, but a couple days ago I got a beautiful one.  I’m not making this up:

Why hello swain forum people! I just wanted to interpose myself here as this looks like a very attractive forum! I myself am gripping in things like writeing and computer repair so if anyoune needs serve let me differentiate! I also Suffer from Sciatica so if you aslo fool this contagion let me recognize so we can stake some stretches!

So much goodness here, I don’t even know how to pick  my favorite part.  No…that’s a lie, I definitely know what my favorite part is.  My favorite part is: “…if you also fool this contagion let me recognize…”  I have no clue what that means, but it just sounds like poetry.

Anyway, can anyone translate this for me?  Leave your best word-for-word translation of what you think this spam message is trying to say in the comment box, and the best one will get, um, a surprise.  A “surprise” as in, “Surprise!  You get nothing!”


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21 11 2009
kristiane

Spam from today:

They were insulted, moreover, by the negroes, who took to calling them white slaves as a mark of contempt for the ragged clothes to which they found themselves reduced in the end.
Hi, i am Amy Gilpin.

Avoiding Those Nasty Bad Beats
Sometimes the best of the pupils, of whom natasha, who was exceptionally graceful, was first, even danced the pas de chale, but at this last ball only the ecossaise, the anglaise, and the mazurka, which was just coming into fashion, were danced. Worldly conversation at a moment when his soul is already prepared.

It’s basically poetry…

21 11 2009
KIM

I love direct translation from whatever language, especially oriental, which I suspect this is.

“Why hello swain forum people! ” I am certain the “swain” is you Tim. I bet you have never been recognized as the swain you are until now.

“I just wanted to interpose myself here as this looks like a very attractive forum!” This is definately a pass. He finds you very attractive. Interpose is a genteel way of saying “may I give you a lap dance?” Very flattering.

“myself am gripping in things like writeing and computer repair so if anyoune needs serve let me differentiate!” This person continues in their pursuit of you using codewords such as “gripping” and “needs serve”. The “differentiate” is his way of indicating he enjoys an alternative lifestyle.

“I also Suffer from Sciatica so if you aslo fool this contagion let me recognize so we can stake some stretches!” Okay, brace yourself. This is really where he gets kinky. Suffering from Sciatica is bending backwards and fooling the contagion is safe sex. As for the staking stretches, I will leave that your very fertile imagine.

All in all it’s probably the most ardent invitation I have seen in years. You should feel very special.

Hope this helps.

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