At the ICU Movies (part 2)…

30 03 2009

Two quick notes about my previous post:

1) I just reread it, and the grammar and spelling was atrocious.  I have gone back and edited it.  Please bear in mind I was under heavy chemical influence while writing.

2) Although it makes me inwardly cringe something fierce to sit and  explain the “logic” of one of my jokes, there seems to be some confusion about a passage in my last post that I need to address.  After relating a dream I had about a movie recently, I wrote:

…when I woke up my sheets were all wet.  Also, my cat was pregnant.  My cat’s a boy.

Apparently, some of you interpreted this to mean that in my excitement over this dream movie, I myself had impregnated my cat.  This was not my intention.  So to make clear: my sheets were wet because I wet myself over the excitement of this movie, and my cat spontaneously, and independently, became pregnant because the movie idea was so awesome.  Got that?  Two separate, independent events.  I’m not gay for my cat.

I’m  not.

Let’s take a look at a few more movies I (didn’t) see while laid up in the ICU:

Friday

K-Bell was kind enough to make me a little “hospital basket” before my stay, and included a DVD copy of Ice Cube’s seminal film work, Friday, which unfortunately I never felt well enough to watch.  It’s still sitting here next to me, in the plastic wrap, so I figured I’d do what Roger Ebert does, and just review the DVD case.  Here it is, for those of you who haven’t seen it:

Friday the movie

All in all, I have to say this might be one of the better DVD cases I’ve seen.  The main picture summarizes what I imagine to be the plot of the movie perfectly, with both Ice Cube and a pre-Rush Hour Chris Tucker posed into a classic “Daaaaammmmn” formation.  Clearly there is some wack shit going on to their left (our right), and the DVD case entices the viewer to see what crazy hijinks are causing such a hilarious take from Cube and Tucker for themselves by watching the movie.

Also, the back of the case refers to Christ Tucker as a “box office superstar,” which is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever read in my life, ever.

Hard Candy

I actually watched this the night before my stay in the hospital.  And all I have to say about it is: stay away from my balls, Ellen Page.

Also: Stay Away From My Balls, Ellen Page would be a great name for a gangster rap group.

Crazy Bruce’s Liquors Commercial

And finally, by far the best movie I saw while in the hospital, and perhaps one of the greatest movies…nay, one of the greatest anything, I have ever seen: this late night commercial for Crazy Bruce’s Liquors: (to give credit where credit is due, I found this on FilmDrunk.)

You didn’t actually watch the video, did you?  It’s okay, I usually skip videos when people put them in their blogs, too.  But seriously, it’s 33 seconds, and you need to see this.  Go back and watch it now.  I’ll wait.

Done?  Okay, now here is my question about this video: was the “woo woo woo” thing part of the shooting script, or improvised by Crazy Bruce? (Or the actor playing “Crazy Bruce,” whichever the case may be.)  Because honestly, just the possibility that this conversation occurred during the shooting of this commercial warms my heart:

Director (after a seventh mediocre take): I don’t know, Crazy Bruce.  I mean, it’s good and all…love the singing, love the dancing, but it just needs…something.

Crazy Bruce: Hmmm…well, I could whip my pants off and rub my balls on the camera.

Director: Nah, Larry’s Discount Mattress Emporium did that for their commercial last week.  What we need is some sort of sound effect…something to really put the “Crazy” in “Crazy Bruce.”

Crazy Bruce: A sound effect!  I think I got just the thing for you…

I love life.

Until next time, movie fans, the ICU movie theater…is closed!


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6 responses

30 03 2009
Joni

Okay, BUT….if you were sleeping, how can you be really, TRULY sure that you didn’t impregnate your cat? People do crazy things in their sleep.

I’m going to have to stand by my initial reaction.

30 03 2009
tg

Touche, Joni. I cannot, definitively, prove that I did not impregnate my cat while I slept. I am guilty as charged.

30 03 2009
nikki

A. I think you did impregnate moose

B. Friday is one of the best movies ever made, you need to watch it. Ex: “She told me she looked like Janet Jackson. Got out of the car looking more like Freddy Jackson.” Genius.

C. I think the commercial sound effect is actually “woof, woof”

30 03 2009
Debbie S.

Funny shit!

30 03 2009
Debbie S.

Okay, I bit on the package content and I did watch the video. I’m old, humor me. I think Crazy Bruce was pulling a Brittany Spears thing or maybe it was Edgar Bergen. (way before your time)
It sounded like a dog barking from his ass.
Where is this liquor palace?

10 04 2009
Amy

I want to go to there. Crazy Bruce’s Liquor.

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