This is where your free time goes to die…

17 06 2008

Q: If the Internet and blogging had been around since the dawn of time, what famous person’s blog would you most like to read?

A: I wouldn’t want to distract any of my heroes with “blogging responsibilities.” Better that they work on whatever made them interesting to me in the first place. Blogs: where time goes to die.

–Professional poker player Paul Phillips, in an interview with All In Magazine.

As an aspiring writer, I’ve always had mixed emotions about blogging. On one hand, I can’t imagine there is a more narcissistic, shallow, self-centered form of writing than the personal blog. On the other hand, I am a narcissistic, shallow, self-centered person. So, I mean, where do I sign up, right? Besides, I have seen nothing in this world to dissuade me from my opinion that all forms of writing, or for that matter, all forms of artistic expression, are much more about the artist than the art. “Daddy left when I was three and mommy was an alcoholic and I couldn’t get laid until I was twenty-seven so now I have to write/act/draw/do porn movies for the entertainment of others so I can feel the love I was deprived of as a child, blah blah blah…wah wah wah.” But enough about your mom…

(And there is the first of what will be many, many, MANY “your mom” jokes that will be found in this blog. You love it.)

As sort of a personal crusade/experiment, I recently tried the blogging thing for a while. Once a week for a year, I blogged on my personal page on a site called “MySpace”…a tiny mom & pop social networking site that enjoyed a brief craze from late 2005 to the middle of 2006. You’ve probably never heard of it. Anyway, I worked on this blog more as a tool to exercise my flabby, old lady paunch-like writing muscles, which had lain dormant since college. I never really expected anyone to read. So it was to my great surprise and sexual arousement that my little blog became a worldwide internet phenomenon. It quickly became the most well read blog by 35-50 year old women who are my mom, and reaped several prestigious awards, including a Peabody, two Pulitzers, and, somewhat inexplicably, being named one of People Magazine‘s 50 Sexiest Men Alive.

After the year was up I meant to start another blog. But alas, I got caught up in the random little distractions that make life such a joy: starting a new job, performing in local theater productions, burying the random hookers body after a “date” gets a little too rough. (Careless, I know. But in my defense, those bitches are already dead inside, anyway.) But here I am, starting a new blog, and to what purpose, I don’t know. I figure three bad things can happen with me working on this blog:

1) I spend so much time writing here, I neglect to work on my “real” writing projects (plays, novels, etc.)

2) I spend so much time writing here, my already comically retarded social skills regress so much that I start referring to my alarm clock as “my best friend and confidant, Mr. Hugglesnatch.”

3) Someone gets offended at something I write and decides to kidnap my cat.

The good news: I have no “real” writing projects, I’m already an anti-social curmudgeon, and I hate my cat. Win-win!

For those of you who have read my blog previously, let me just forewarn you what this blog won’t and will be. It probably won’t be as formal (if anything I write could ever be considered such) or topical as my MySpace blog. I won’t be forcing myself to a one-a-week criteria like I did with the last blog…meaning I could update this three times a week or once ever two months (hopefully closer to the former). It WILL be random, pointless, dirty, picture filled (due to a fabulous digital camera birthday present…thanks, K-Bell!) and every blog will include a gratuitous reference to Tom Selleck.*

*(I’m joking, obviously. Tom Selleck references are mandatory, and could never be gratuitous.)

So that’s the deal. Hopefully I will get rolling with some updates in the very near future. Thanks for killing some of your free time with me.

BTW…the blog of the person quoted at the beginning of this post can be found at: http://extempore.livejournal.com/. At the end of the day, noboy’s above a little self-centered self-expression.


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One response

17 06 2008
kristiane

I can’t imagine there is a more narcissistic, shallow, self-centered form of writing than the personal blog
Yeah, so?
Welcome Mr. Gage!

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